The word Partum is the Latin word for what one acquires. This is not just semantics but an important idea when we think about postpartum and the meaning of that for families.
After a birth, a couple has now acquired a new being, a presence in what for so many relationships has been an intimate and private time between two partners. When a baby arrives the connection between two people now gets stretched to include another. The baby becomes for many families a visible sign of the connection or commitment they have, or what is wished for. And when we frame it like that we usually want to see it as a positive sign, a sign that says "love", "support", and "respect", and a sign that is reflected identically by our partners. This is often not only unspoken but assumed. Before children come into a couple’s life, the challenges of being together have usually not consumed day and night with uncertainty, fear, worry, and complete sleep deprivation. So this baby, becomes a sign of a union and each partner has their own construct of what that sign means to them, or what is the wished for meaning.
If we buy a house, for one person it may mean stability, for another financial burden; an engagement ring, can be a sign of commitment to one or a sense of obligation to another. Relationship signs, while for most of us recognizable do not always have shared meanings. Here is a good example of how this can look 4 weeks postpartum:
Partner1: I am so tired, I have to sleep tonight, can you get up with the baby?
Partner 2: I have to go to work tomorrow, I can’t do this every few days.
Partner 1: I thought you were going to help.
Partner 2: I am, but I cannot do my job.
Partner 1: I know that but I am working all day and night.
Partner 2: It's different...
Partner 1: I am exhausted!
Partner 2: Well I am too!
Partner 1: You knew it would be hard when we decided to have this baby...
In an ideal world talking about this ahead of time can be helpful, but most of the time we talk after the fact. It is never too late to ask the questions and look for answers and to develop shared meanings.
After a birth, a couple has now acquired a new being, a presence in what for so many relationships has been an intimate and private time between two partners. When a baby arrives the connection between two people now gets stretched to include another. The baby becomes for many families a visible sign of the connection or commitment they have, or what is wished for. And when we frame it like that we usually want to see it as a positive sign, a sign that says "love", "support", and "respect", and a sign that is reflected identically by our partners. This is often not only unspoken but assumed. Before children come into a couple’s life, the challenges of being together have usually not consumed day and night with uncertainty, fear, worry, and complete sleep deprivation. So this baby, becomes a sign of a union and each partner has their own construct of what that sign means to them, or what is the wished for meaning.
If we buy a house, for one person it may mean stability, for another financial burden; an engagement ring, can be a sign of commitment to one or a sense of obligation to another. Relationship signs, while for most of us recognizable do not always have shared meanings. Here is a good example of how this can look 4 weeks postpartum:
Partner1: I am so tired, I have to sleep tonight, can you get up with the baby?
Partner 2: I have to go to work tomorrow, I can’t do this every few days.
Partner 1: I thought you were going to help.
Partner 2: I am, but I cannot do my job.
Partner 1: I know that but I am working all day and night.
Partner 2: It's different...
Partner 1: I am exhausted!
Partner 2: Well I am too!
Partner 1: You knew it would be hard when we decided to have this baby...
In an ideal world talking about this ahead of time can be helpful, but most of the time we talk after the fact. It is never too late to ask the questions and look for answers and to develop shared meanings.
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